1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
