i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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