Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
