the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
