I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
