My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
