i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
