Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I love you. Go after that dick
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
