i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
