piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
