Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
