oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
