my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
