i would punch a child for taco bell
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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