Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
