i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
