just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
