I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
