Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
