ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize