I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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