the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
