you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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