I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
