He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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