we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
