He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
