If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
