he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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