im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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