Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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