She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
