your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
