Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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