im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
