Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
