and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
