I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
