I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
