Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
