i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
