In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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