I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
