Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
