Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
