i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
