Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
