Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
