I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we made out on top of his cat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
