I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
