i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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