his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
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So squirting runs in the family.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
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Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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