Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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