i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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