so explain again why im purple
no
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
