I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
