two words: eviction party
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
