someone threw a dead crab at me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
