Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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