Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
