Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
