so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
