After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize