Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
