i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
