dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
