I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
